(To respond, click the pencil underneath this post.)
What tool(s) have you found to
be most effective with a child who is out of control &/OR are there any
effective tools you've witnessed other teachers use with a child who is out of
control?
As they mention in the book, the most valuable tool is yourself. Developing a strong, positive relationship is going to be the most valuable tool. Several years ago, I had one student in particular who had violent outbursts. If I was able to talk to him commonly, he reacted much better than yelling. I could take him into hall, let him breathe heavily for a few a minutes and then discuss what happened. I don't think a calm talk would have worked if the relationship had not been there. What I find hard, is trying to stay calm! I have moments where I feel dis regulated and do not handle the situation well.
Absolutely Beth! We, the teacher is the most valuable tool in the classroom. We control the atmosphere everyday all day. If we handle the student/situation by screaming, yelling or belittling-then the reaction we get in return is not a "fixed" student/situation. We all know that--but as you said we sometimes get caught up in the situation and forget to remain calm. Respectful and calm behavior on our part results USUALLY a mirrored response by the student.
Relationships are very important and many times these students choose a specific teacher to trust. With us seeing more and more of these students like Billy this can be time consuming and stressful if you are that teacher this child relies on. These children are in every system so learning how to deal with them and help them is needed no matter which system you work at. I am always looking for suggestions and help from other counselors because I know I don't have all the answers. I have found that those with experience are the most beneficial so don't think you have all the answers.
Totally agree, Beth! Relationships are the key to success when handling challenging behaviors. Another very useful tool I have found over the years is using as few words as possible until the student has adequate time to calm down. You can't have a rationale conversation with an angry, dysregulated person; they need time to calm, so give it to them.
Friday, May 1, 2020 One of the most important things we as educators can do when dealing with a child who is out of control is noticing the behavior and frustration from the child before it escalates. A couple of years ago I had a student who was known to have outbursts when he became frustrated. We had a discussion during the first weeks of school and I explained to him that anytime he started to become frustrated he could walk away from the situation and go for a cool down in the classroom that connects to mine. If I noticed him getting frustrated and not removing himself I would walk over and calmly ask him if he needed a break. For the most part he willingly removed himself from the situation before it escalated into an outburst.
Yes- Our attitude can dictate how a student reacts. If we come in and already have our minds made up that this child is the "bad kid," they will pick up on that. Come in with a way to help and their whole demeanor will change.
The thing I have found out from experience is in most cases if you allow the student a little time to calm down and collect their thoughts you usually can come to the conclusion of what the problem is and come up together with a solution to that problem.
I agree with this.. I have had to call Coach George a few times because of one student wouldn’t do anything I asked of him. Where I was getting impatient and almost giving up, Coach George came in and got him going like it was no big deal. I witnessed Coach George let him calm down and gave him a time limit .. they talked calmly to each other then the student answered, got up and actually did what I asked.
When a student is out of control, I feel the best thing to do is try to figure out where the behavior is coming from and try to gain an understanding as to why. Usually when a student loses control it is likely that a teacher may be pushed to their max as well. Just stepping back, talking with your colleagues about suggestions and trying to look at things through a different scope can sometimes help you gain a better understanding of the behavior. There is a reason for the behavior and we must use all the resources we have to help better understand this behavior so that we can help that student to prevent discipline problems in the future.
I agree that figuring out where the behavior is coming from can help teachers be more proactive when dealing with a student who is out of control. I also believe collaborating with other teachers is important to see what approaches and strategies are working best.
I agree, but also want to add its not just for the student who is out of control. Sometimes it's the student who is quietly defiant and will fall through the cracks if we don't seek those relationships.
Powerful statements, Coach. I firmly believe we do have to try to figure out the source of the behavior first before reacting. When students see that you are willing to go deep with understanding their triggers, they are more likely to trust that you will help them regulate their own behaviors.
I think it is very important to have a good teacher/student relationship with your students. I have seen several different teachers handle students in different ways. The best thing to do if a student is out of control is to let them calm down unless they are going to harm other students. If a student is out of control they might say or doing anything. Give them time. I feel that if I express negative words to that student while they are out of control, I am not making any progress with them. I would like for the student to calm down so that we can sit and talk.
I agree, Jill. I think it is very important that we give them time to calm down before saying anything that could escalate the situation. We will not get anywhere when one person in the conversation is calm and ready to talk.
I think that the most important element in the classroom is the teacher/student relationship. I have always thought if a student knows that a teacher loves, cares about them-then they will listen and learn from the teacher. When a student lacks trust in the teacher, it is very hard to build a relationship and then the student tends to not pay attention or listen to anything the teacher says. Often when teachers have a good relationship with students, the teacher knows what will set off an unwanted behavior. I am aware there are times that sometimes there is not a signal of a potential breakdown. I think in most situations when you have a good relationship with the student, reacting calmly will help and not aggravate the student. Also, allow a cool down period-then try to calmly talk the student down. When we, the teacher or adult, lose control of our behavior or tongue that only agitates the student and usually adds fuel to the fire. Sometimes, we teachers need to take a time out and cool off before we react.
I agree with Mistee. You must have a good relationship with each of your students. If they know you "care" about them, I feel like they will do anything for you. They will work hard in your class and try to do their best. If you see them mess up or make a bad mistake, let that be your opportunity to teach them a valuable lesson whether it be a "school lesson" or a "life lesson."
When I worked in Jackson, I taught in one of the worst areas in town. I came in thinking I could help them instantly. I quickly realized how wrong I was. In fact, I had to have training on how to build trust because the students I taught lacked vital needs in every way. They were drug babies, lacked food, and had badly broken family networks. They clearly did not trust anyone. I had to have so many private conversations to get to know them. It was exhausting, but once the relationship was established, I saw a significant change in most behaviors. It took awhile but eventually they would come to me with personal things and I could tell they felt safe. I know McKenzie's demographics are not the same as Jackson's,but the needs are the same. I believe that speaking to a student in a calm voice is the first step. Showing a student how to express their feelings and being assertive about coping is vital. I will admit that this can be very difficult because we are so focused and rigor and learning. This book is reminding me that I need to take a step back in order to go forward.
How great that you've had those experiences in other areas to help you in our system. I agree, we are not JMCSS and have very different demographics, but if you look at page 13 in the book and circle the events you see daily, it's eye-opening.
The most important tool a teacher has is a positive attitude. It’s easy to let students get under your skin (because we know some try to!) but the most helpful tool I have ever added to my toolbox is the ability to stay calm during student outbursts. Matching their frustration or escalating the situation by arguing with them only causes students to become more upset and need more time to cool down. Having a consistently unaffected attitude with all students being disciplined also shows those who have a smaller window of stress tolerance that they are being treated the same as anyone else. Students who often spiral out of control once they hit their breaking point tend to feel targeted when being disciplined because teacher reaction is so much more intense with them. Taking a deep breath and hitting the reset button every time they misbehave can be just as helpful for your sanity as it is for their self-esteem.
When a student is out of control, I try to talk calmly and privately to the student to figure out what is going on from their point of view. I try to be understanding and offer the best advice I can to keep anything from escalating. Most of the time when the students see that I am on their side, they will admit where they messed up in the situation without me having to ask. They trust that I will do what is best to help the situation even if they get a consequence in the process. Having that teacher/student relationship is the most important thing. Once the students have respect and trust you as an adult, you can discipline them without losing their respect, trust and without hurting their self-esteem.
I was introduced to a student with control issues my first year teaching at MMS. Students like him have warning signs usually. It is our job as educators as well to look for these signs to ensure the safety of others in class and our peers as well. If we see tension rising, we must do our best to “deescalate” the problem and and not keep it going. It seems there are more and more students with behavioral issues today then there were in the past. This could be in part to their lifestyle and what hey witness at home everyday!
We have to be prepared for children like Billy. We should get all the information that is available and know what works for him/her. As the child ages we have to find new ways to calm them and help each situation. Many times just listening and not talking they can work through their issue. It is very important for the parent to be on board because they need outside counseling that we cannot provide at school.
More times than not, I found that allowing a child to calm down before trying to address the issue made a huge difference. I worked with two year olds in a daycare for 6 years before going back to school. They were not able to control their emotions. It was important that I teach the children different techniques on how to calm down. I think that is important for our students, too. If they have never been shown techniques of how to handle stressful situations, they will not be able to do it calmly or in ways that children like Andy would handle the situation.
Great point about letting them calm down and teaching them some techniques on how to calm down and control themselves. Too many times we think children should just "know better" and we should be teaching these techniques and exploring what works.
At the middle school age, many times the best tool is to allow them time to digest and think about things. Many times I have simply asked the student if they wanted or needed to talk. They go from mad and wanting to go off to vulnerable and wanting to share what's wrong. The book connects or explains why this works for some students like Billy. They simply do not have the internal balancing ability because they have never been taught to be able to self-regulate. I can only imagine how many of my students have a very small window of threshold.
As they mention in the book, the most valuable tool is yourself. Developing a strong, positive relationship is going to be the most valuable tool. Several years ago, I had one student in particular who had violent outbursts. If I was able to talk to him commonly, he reacted much better than yelling. I could take him into hall, let him breathe heavily for a few a minutes and then discuss what happened. I don't think a calm talk would have worked if the relationship had not been there. What I find hard, is trying to stay calm! I have moments where I feel dis regulated and do not handle the situation well.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely Beth! We, the teacher is the most valuable tool in the classroom. We control the atmosphere everyday all day. If we handle the student/situation by screaming, yelling or belittling-then the reaction we get in return is not a "fixed" student/situation. We all know that--but as you said we sometimes get caught up in the situation and forget to remain calm. Respectful and calm behavior on our part results USUALLY a mirrored response by the student.
DeleteRelationships are very important and many times these students choose a specific teacher to trust. With us seeing more and more of these students like Billy this can be time consuming and stressful if you are that teacher this child relies on. These children are in every system so learning how to deal with them and help them is needed no matter which system you work at. I am always looking for suggestions and help from other counselors because I know I don't have all the answers. I have found that those with experience are the most beneficial so don't think you have all the answers.
DeleteTotally agree, Beth! Relationships are the key to success when handling challenging behaviors. Another very useful tool I have found over the years is using as few words as possible until the student has adequate time to calm down. You can't have a rationale conversation with an angry, dysregulated person; they need time to calm, so give it to them.
DeleteFriday, May 1, 2020
ReplyDeleteOne of the most important things we as educators can do when dealing with a child who is out of control is noticing the behavior and frustration from the child before it escalates. A couple of years ago I had a student who was known to have outbursts when he became frustrated. We had a discussion during the first weeks of school and I explained to him that anytime he started to become frustrated he could walk away from the situation and go for a cool down in the classroom that connects to mine. If I noticed him getting frustrated and not removing himself I would walk over and calmly ask him if he needed a break. For the most part he willingly removed himself from the situation before it escalated into an outburst.
Yes- Our attitude can dictate how a student reacts. If we come in and already have our minds made up that this child is the "bad kid," they will pick up on that. Come in with a way to help and their whole demeanor will change.
DeleteI absolutely agree. It’s important to treat a child as though his reputation does not proceed him.
DeleteThe thing I have found out from experience is in most cases if you allow the student a little time to calm down and collect their thoughts you usually can come to the conclusion of what the problem is and come up together with a solution to that problem.
ReplyDeleteI agree with this.. I have had to call Coach George a few times because of one student wouldn’t do anything I asked of him. Where I was getting impatient and almost giving up, Coach George came in and got him going like it was no big deal. I witnessed Coach George let him calm down and gave him a time limit .. they talked calmly to each other then the student answered, got up and actually did what I asked.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteWhen a student is out of control, I feel the best thing to do is try to figure out where the behavior is coming from and try to gain an understanding as to why. Usually when a student loses control it is likely that a teacher may be pushed to their max as well. Just stepping back, talking with your colleagues about suggestions and trying to look at things through a different scope can sometimes help you gain a better understanding of the behavior. There is a reason for the behavior and we must use all the resources we have to help better understand this behavior so that we can help that student to prevent discipline problems in the future.
I agree that figuring out where the behavior is coming from can help teachers be more proactive when dealing with a student who is out of control. I also believe collaborating with other teachers is important to see what approaches and strategies are working best.
DeleteI agree, but also want to add its not just for the student who is out of control. Sometimes it's the student who is quietly defiant and will fall through the cracks if we don't seek those relationships.
DeletePowerful statements, Coach. I firmly believe we do have to try to figure out the source of the behavior first before reacting. When students see that you are willing to go deep with understanding their triggers, they are more likely to trust that you will help them regulate their own behaviors.
DeleteI think it is very important to have a good teacher/student relationship with your students. I have seen several different teachers handle students in different ways. The best thing to do if a student is out of control is to let them calm down unless they are going to harm other students. If a student is out of control they might say or doing anything. Give them time. I feel that if I express negative words to that student while they are out of control, I am not making any progress with them. I would like for the student to calm down so that we can sit and talk.
ReplyDeleteI agree, Jill. I think it is very important that we give them time to calm down before saying anything that could escalate the situation. We will not get anywhere when one person in the conversation is calm and ready to talk.
DeleteI think that the most important element in the classroom is the teacher/student relationship. I have always thought if a student knows that a teacher loves, cares about them-then they will listen and learn from the teacher. When a student lacks trust in the teacher, it is very hard to build a relationship and then the student tends to not pay attention or listen to anything the teacher says. Often when teachers have a good relationship with students, the teacher knows what will set off an unwanted behavior. I am aware there are times that sometimes there is not a signal of a potential breakdown. I think in most situations when you have a good relationship with the student, reacting calmly will help and not aggravate the student. Also, allow a cool down period-then try to calmly talk the student down. When we, the teacher or adult, lose control of our behavior or tongue that only agitates the student and usually adds fuel to the fire. Sometimes, we teachers need to take a time out and cool off before we react.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Mistee. You must have a good relationship with each of your students. If they know you "care" about them, I feel like they will do anything for you. They will work hard in your class and try to do their best. If you see them mess up or make a bad mistake, let that be your opportunity to teach them a valuable lesson whether it be a "school lesson" or a "life lesson."
DeleteWhen I worked in Jackson, I taught in one of the worst areas in town. I came in thinking I could help them instantly. I quickly realized how wrong I was. In fact, I had to have training on how to build trust because the students I taught lacked vital needs in every way. They were drug babies, lacked food, and had badly broken family networks. They clearly did not trust anyone. I had to have so many private conversations to get to know them. It was exhausting, but once the relationship was established, I saw a significant change in most behaviors. It took awhile but eventually they would come to me with personal things and I could tell they felt safe. I know McKenzie's demographics are not the same as Jackson's,but the needs are the same. I believe that speaking to a student in a calm voice is the first step. Showing a student how to express their feelings and being assertive about coping is vital. I will admit that this can be very difficult because we are so focused and rigor and learning. This book is reminding me that I need to take a step back in order to go forward.
ReplyDeleteHow great that you've had those experiences in other areas to help you in our system. I agree, we are not JMCSS and have very different demographics, but if you look at page 13 in the book and circle the events you see daily, it's eye-opening.
DeleteThe most important tool a teacher has is a positive attitude. It’s easy to let students get under your skin (because we know some try to!) but the most helpful tool I have ever added to my toolbox is the ability to stay calm during student outbursts. Matching their frustration or escalating the situation by arguing with them only causes students to become more upset and need more time to cool down. Having a consistently unaffected attitude with all students being disciplined also shows those who have a smaller window of stress tolerance that they are being treated the same as anyone else. Students who often spiral out of control once they hit their breaking point tend to feel targeted when being disciplined because teacher reaction is so much more intense with them. Taking a deep breath and hitting the reset button every time they misbehave can be just as helpful for your sanity as it is for their self-esteem.
ReplyDeleteWhen a student is out of control, I try to talk calmly and privately to the student to figure out what is going on from their point of view. I try to be understanding and offer the best advice I can to keep anything from escalating. Most of the time when the students see that I am on their side, they will admit where they messed up in the situation without me having to ask. They trust that I will do what is best to help the situation even if they get a consequence in the process. Having that teacher/student relationship is the most important thing. Once the students have respect and trust you as an adult, you can discipline them without losing their respect, trust and without hurting their self-esteem.
ReplyDeleteI was introduced to a student with control issues my first year teaching at MMS. Students like him have warning signs usually. It is our job as educators as well to look for these signs to ensure the safety of others in class and our peers as well. If we see tension rising, we must do our best to “deescalate” the problem and and not keep it going. It seems there are more and more students with behavioral issues today then there were in the past. This could be in part to their lifestyle and what hey witness at home everyday!
ReplyDeleteWe have to be prepared for children like Billy. We should get all the information that is available and know what works for him/her. As the child ages we have to find new ways to calm them and help each situation. Many times just listening and not talking they can work through their issue. It is very important for the parent to be on board because they need outside counseling that we cannot provide at school.
ReplyDeleteMore times than not, I found that allowing a child to calm down before trying to address the issue made a huge difference. I worked with two year olds in a daycare for 6 years before going back to school. They were not able to control their emotions. It was important that I teach the children different techniques on how to calm down. I think that is important for our students, too. If they have never been shown techniques of how to handle stressful situations, they will not be able to do it calmly or in ways that children like Andy would handle the situation.
ReplyDeleteGreat point about letting them calm down and teaching them some techniques on how to calm down and control themselves. Too many times we think children should just "know better" and we should be teaching these techniques and exploring what works.
DeleteAt the middle school age, many times the best tool is to allow them time to digest and think about things. Many times I have simply asked the student if they wanted or needed to talk. They go from mad and wanting to go off to vulnerable and wanting to share what's wrong. The book connects or explains why this works for some students like Billy. They simply do not have the internal balancing ability because they have never been taught to be able to self-regulate. I can only imagine how many of my students have a very small window of threshold.
ReplyDelete