"I am the greatest" by Muhammad Ali stuck out to me. I think believing in yourself starting at an early age or at any age is BIG. Hearing other people saying positive things about you or things you are doing is BIG also. I used to go to a kickboxing class and when it got tough the instructor was awesome at encouraging. He would say..Come on Jenn...You can do anything for a min. Just hearing that would make me want to do it for him and myself. In other words I think Beleiving in yourself and others showing that plays a huge role in ones life.
I agree! If you can't convince a student to believe in themself it is impossible to motivate them. Students definitely know when a teacher does believe in them. We have to show them daily, that we believe they can do it, whether they do or not.
I agree with these statements. I believe that confidence is the key to everyone's success'. I have been told that 90 percent of what a person can do comes from the mental aspects of life the other 10 percent is what they can actually do. So if garbage is being put into their minds then they should expect garbage to come out however if they put in positive things they should expect positive results to come out.
I loved the Muhammad Ali illustration! Confidence is key and I want students to have confidence in their ability to work hard, not their academic ability. It is all about mindset.
Thanks, Karlene! I want every kid to know they have the ability to give their all, no matter what the end product looks like, if they have tried their best, that is success!
So many students never hear anything positive at home so they crave those words of encouragement at school. It is obvious when those words and actions make a difference. Thankful for all of our teachers who practice positive words!
I agree teach a student to care about themselves is half if the battle. I loved Muhammad Ali being an example. Now we must look hard for that example they can relate to.
Yes, Jennifer you are so right! Students need to hear "You CAN!" Even sometimes as adults, we need to hear it. I think telling personal stories to students, for example if you struggled with something in school, helps them to see it's ok. Then the student can see we are there for them.
An idea that caught my attention was that people learn at different stages throughout their life up until the age of 25 in an optimal environment. During these different stages from conception to the age of 25 is when people begin to develop and formulate their belief systems. I work with students that fall into the category of 10 to 16 and I see where they begin to process old and new material and to create their foundational beliefs along with questioning many things that they establish with adults and authority figures.
One idea that resonated with me was the utilization of affirmations. While I feel like I try to give emotional support and encouragement, I never looked at it from the stand point of the child's own views. It says on p. 63, "For affirmation to be effective, you have to first acknowledge the negative thought, refuse it, and then add the positive." When I am just stating a positive affirmation, I may not be making progress with the child because their own negative thoughts are outweighing anything positive that I could say.
Good point Beth.....I think many of us are guilty of this. I do find it interesting the negative thought and then the positive. There are some interesting studies in this book showing all of us how to deal with "Billy".
One statement that caught my attention in Chapter 5 was "by the time a child is eight years old, he is typically told seven times more negative messages than positive messages". We as teachers and parents get so caught up in what needs to be completed, what needs to be changed, what needs to be cleaned, etc. that we do not realize the negative impact and comments we are making to our students and children. I wish I had read this book before I became a parent because I would better understand the effect nagging and negativity could have on my children long term. I would learn to let some of the simple things go and focus more on positive statements.
Bess I totally agree! Not only am I reflecting on my role as a teacher while reading this book, I am also reflecting on myself as a parent. Tonight even instead of getting on to Jaxon for crying, I asked him waht had him so upset that he was crying constantly(very unlike him.) I have always heard that you need to give 4 positive comments to one negative and this book just reinforces this belief.
I too wish I had this book while being a parent. I would have tried to count my negative messages compared to positive messages, and let some things go that are not so important.
I agree Bess..I think about my nieces and how my sister talks to them or what she says or does in front of them and I feel sorry for them! After reading this I feel like I should send her some of these quotes or stats in this book! They are at the age where they are soaking it all in and it’s not good. I actually might give her this book afterward we get finished!
"He was able to to think of an alternative activity that created a regulation for him:reading." Even tho this was against the rules to me it was a great idea. We had a great system at this year because we knew who our Billy's and how to deal with them if a situation like this occur. There were days when it that was easier than others, but collective we decrease their meltdowns.
The thing that stuck out to me the most was on page 59 when the author started discussing beliefs in the classroom. The quote that stood out to me was "He has to believe wat he believes to survive." So many of my students both former and even a few present students come to mind. I can think of one who has to care for younger siblings and home life is not great. Multiple times this year he said to me that we would just pass him on anyways why learn math, and that he would just flunk out eventually and have to work to care for his family. Some of our kids are doing good just trying to survive. So when we think we are giving them positive affirmations we are just making them feel less worthy of what they can actually do...really makes you think.
Yes it does Jessica. I feel like more and more of our students think this way now. It makes our job even harder when the motivation to learn isn’t there. They either have it too hard at home or too easy and feel like there are other things they could be doing than learning Newton’s Laws of Motion or the properties of minerals.
The table on page 57 of external message/internal belief resonated with me. It makes me question everything I say to my students and my own kids. Because of the Billys of the world we have to be so careful to choose our words because even with good intentions, our words may have a negative impact on his internal beliefs.
I also made note of this chart because it is amazing to actually have insight into what a child perceives I meant based on a comment I make - whether that was my intent or not. Reading these actual examples have really made me think about how I need to always carefully choose my words because my students may interpret my words in a completely different way than I intended simply because we have had different life experiences.
Yes, I definitely have to be more mindful of my words both at school and home. This can be so so difficult, but I must take my own advice and think before I speak!
Our belief system is the core of who we are. Our belief is our reality. This is so accurate. Most of our faculty at MMS had parents, churches, teachers, coaches and other people in our lives who encouraged us, loved us, motivated us, and supported us. We were told how smart, how talented--all the wonderful and positive words to lift us up. However, this is not true with a lot of our students today. Many of our students never hear words of affirmation or even I love you. We have all had experiences with students in our classroom that were beat down, had the negative belief system, and lacked the belief that they could succeed; with continuous positive words and encouragement, their whole perspective changed-academics and self worth. Our words are very important and often we forget-our positive words at school may be the only ones they ever hear!
It appears to me that a whole lot more time, effort, and money need to be applied to the importance of well being during pre-pregnancy, prenatal, and preschool programs for the parents to be. The public needs to get this message via Church, media, video games, whatever will reach them. The conveying of this information does not need to be subtle, but made plain. If some of these incredibly immodest pharmaceutical commercials can bombard us with information and warnings about what will happen if you do use them, then surely information about care that could prevent years of hurt and needless struggle for your child is worthy of attention and cautions if you don’t.
Mrs. Haney I was thinking the same thing! There certainly needs to be awareness brought to our country. If people realized how impactful their actions were even at the prenatal stage it might change the future of some of our Billys.
YES! I have two friends that are fostering children. I am amazed at the number of people involved in ensuring that the foster child is being cared for. The foster child and the foster parent(s) both have their own case workers. There are so many resources available, and required, such as counseling, education, etc. After learning about all that is involved, it left me wondering why we don't have all these resources going out to families before they reach the point of losing their children. Why are we doing more to prevent the child abuse, neglect, etc. in the first place? I know, like the starfish story, we couldn't proactively save all of them, but it would make a difference for some.
I agree - the book continues to stress in every chapter how the development of the child in the earliest years is VITAL to their success and well-being for the rest of their lives! There are ways to reach and maybe save some of the Billys later in adolescents; however, what if there were interventions BEFORE Kindergarten?
One thing that stuck out in my mind was in chapter 2. The second question - we view the teacher-student relationship as "I am the teacher; you are the student. You will do as I say and you will learn what I teach." Yes, that will work with the Andy's in our building, but definitely not the Billy's. There are certainly days that I want to tell the Billy's that but the question that should pop in my head when "Billy" is doing something wrong is, "What can I do at this very moment to improve my relationship with this student?"
My first instinct is usually to react to a situation, and I am learning I need to focus more on "responding instead of reacting." I found the chart regarding this on pages 78-79 to be very informative. There are several "traditional" reactions that I know I have thought and a few I have said like the threat of detention. To actually see a chart that gives me suggestions of what I should say or could say I feel is very beneficial. I need to learn some of these responses so that they become automatic for me as opposed to automatically reacting to a situation.
I enjoyed reading chapter 5 about belief systems. I was fascinated reading about the different stages of development. Recently as Molly was sending out graduation invitations she wanted to send one to her pre-school, kindergarten, and 1st grade teachers. She told me that it was after those three years of school she knew she wanted to be a teacher. She told me it was the way those teachers taught, and their kindness toward their students that made her want to be the same thing. I was blown away- I thought how old was my child at that time... 4 to 6? But she was so influenced by those adults in her life she made her career goals at that time. So the quote in the book, "What is said to children at this vulnerable age (2-10) does matter, as do the experiences the child has with the adults in his life. It molds the very essence of who this child becomes and who he perceives himself to be in this world." has powerful application thinking about Molly and her future.
The author stated that praise as encouragement for a child like Billy can have a sabotaging effect. I think we have all been in professional development classes that highly encourage the use of praise. I have definitely seen this backfire a time or two over the years. This is the first time I have heard of acknowledging the negative first.
I found it interesting that sometimes when we think we are doing the "right" thing for Billy and encouraging him and finding the things that he is doing right, it backfires. But really it is all about our approach and how we are saying it. I have been guilty of complimenting a student and then not understanding why they acted out after. Very eye opening.
In the belief section of chapter 5, the author states that in 10 to 16 year olds "the brain becomes more sophisticated" and they "become aware that they are a separate and unique individual with the power to create their own beliefs". Teaching 8th grade, I see this all the time in Andys and Billys. They are all trying to figure out who they are and what they believe. While this brings empowerment and self-awareness, it can also be extremely difficult. Middle school is such a hard stage of life for every child. Add in the trauma for all the Billys and I can understand why their window of stress tolerance is so much shorter.
The idea that stood out the most to me is that our belief is our reality. Students often have a hard time in our classes because they have difficulty managing social situations where they are required to let their personalities show. If they are unhappy with who they are, they will have a hard time believing they can accomplish the tasks we set for them.
Chapters 5 and 6 really stress the importance in us believing in ourselves. “We are what we think we are” and “whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right” are inspiring quotes that help us believe in ourselves. Believing you can do it major part of doing it. We have to believe we can and project that belief onto others, especially our student.
One thing that really caught my attention was that by the child is eight years old, he/she hears negative messages seven times more than positive messages over his/her lifetime. This shows important it is to talk to our students positively (even after 8 years old). The messages the children receive will become their beliefs. Its sad to think that children hear that many more negative messages in 8 years, and then we wonder why they think negatively of themselves sometimes; this would be one major factor in that belief.
"I am the greatest" by Muhammad Ali stuck out to me. I think believing in yourself starting at an early age or at any age is BIG. Hearing other people saying positive things about you or things you are doing is BIG also. I used to go to a kickboxing class and when it got tough the instructor was awesome at encouraging. He would say..Come on Jenn...You can do anything for a min. Just hearing that would make me want to do it for him and myself. In other words I think Beleiving in yourself and others showing that plays a huge role in ones life.
ReplyDeleteI agree! If you can't convince a student to believe in themself it is impossible to motivate them. Students definitely know when a teacher does believe in them. We have to show them daily, that we believe they can do it, whether they do or not.
DeleteI agree with these statements. I believe that confidence is the key to everyone's success'. I have been told that 90 percent of what a person can do comes from the mental aspects of life the other 10 percent is what they can actually do. So if garbage is being put into their minds then they should expect garbage to come out however if they put in positive things they should expect positive results to come out.
DeleteI agree, I have had the pleasure of working a long side Ms. Amanda and she does an amazing job of motivating her student on a daily basis.
DeleteI loved the Muhammad Ali illustration! Confidence is key and I want students to have confidence in their ability to work hard, not their academic ability. It is all about mindset.
DeleteThanks, Karlene! I want every kid to know they have the ability to give their all, no matter what the end product looks like, if they have tried their best, that is success!
So many students never hear anything positive at home so they crave those words of encouragement at school. It is obvious when those words and actions make a difference. Thankful for all of our teachers who practice positive words!
DeleteI agree teach a student to care about themselves is half if the battle. I loved Muhammad Ali being an example. Now we must look hard for that example they can relate to.
DeleteYes, Jennifer you are so right! Students need to hear "You CAN!" Even sometimes as adults, we need to hear it. I think telling personal stories to students, for example if you struggled with something in school, helps them to see it's ok. Then the student can see we are there for them.
DeleteAn idea that caught my attention was that people learn at different stages throughout their life up until the age of 25 in an optimal environment. During these different stages from conception to the age of 25 is when people begin to develop and formulate their belief systems. I work with students that fall into the category of 10 to 16 and I see where they begin to process old and new material and to create their foundational beliefs along with questioning many things that they establish with adults and authority figures.
ReplyDeleteOne idea that resonated with me was the utilization of affirmations. While I feel like I try to give emotional support and encouragement, I never looked at it from the stand point of the child's own views. It says on p. 63, "For affirmation to be effective, you have to first acknowledge the negative thought, refuse it, and then add the positive." When I am just stating a positive affirmation, I may not be making progress with the child because their own negative thoughts are outweighing anything positive that I could say.
ReplyDeleteGood point Beth.....I think many of us are guilty of this. I do find it interesting the negative thought and then the positive. There are some interesting studies in this book showing all of us how to deal with "Billy".
DeleteOne statement that caught my attention in Chapter 5 was "by the time a child is eight years old, he is typically told seven times more negative messages than positive messages". We as teachers and parents get so caught up in what needs to be completed, what needs to be changed, what needs to be cleaned, etc. that we do not realize the negative impact and comments we are making to our students and children. I wish I had read this book before I became a parent because I would better understand the effect nagging and negativity could have on my children long term. I would learn to let some of the simple things go and focus more on positive statements.
ReplyDeleteBess I totally agree! Not only am I reflecting on my role as a teacher while reading this book, I am also reflecting on myself as a parent. Tonight even instead of getting on to Jaxon for crying, I asked him waht had him so upset that he was crying constantly(very unlike him.) I have always heard that you need to give 4 positive comments to one negative and this book just reinforces this belief.
DeleteI too wish I had this book while being a parent. I would have tried to count my negative messages compared to positive messages, and let some things go that are not so important.
DeleteI agree Bess..I think about my nieces and how my sister talks to them or what she says or does in front of them and I feel sorry for them! After reading this I feel like I should send her some of these quotes or stats in this book! They are at the age where they are soaking it all in and it’s not good. I actually might give her this book afterward we get finished!
ReplyDelete"He was able to to think of an alternative activity that created a regulation for him:reading." Even tho this was against the rules to me it was a great idea. We had a great system at this year because we knew who our Billy's and how to deal with them if a situation like this occur. There were days when it that was easier than others, but collective we decrease their meltdowns.
ReplyDeleteThe thing that stuck out to me the most was on page 59 when the author started discussing beliefs in the classroom. The quote that stood out to me was "He has to believe wat he believes to survive." So many of my students both former and even a few present students come to mind. I can think of one who has to care for younger siblings and home life is not great. Multiple times this year he said to me that we would just pass him on anyways why learn math, and that he would just flunk out eventually and have to work to care for his family. Some of our kids are doing good just trying to survive. So when we think we are giving them positive affirmations we are just making them feel less worthy of what they can actually do...really makes you think.
ReplyDeleteYes it does Jessica. I feel like more and more of our students think this way now. It makes our job even harder when the motivation to learn isn’t there. They either have it too hard at home or too easy and feel like there are other things they could be doing than learning Newton’s Laws of Motion or the properties of minerals.
DeleteThe table on page 57 of external message/internal belief resonated with me. It makes me question everything I say to my students and my own kids. Because of the Billys of the world we have to be so careful to choose our words because even with good intentions, our words may have a negative impact on his internal beliefs.
ReplyDeleteI also made note of this chart because it is amazing to actually have insight into what a child perceives I meant based on a comment I make - whether that was my intent or not. Reading these actual examples have really made me think about how I need to always carefully choose my words because my students may interpret my words in a completely different way than I intended simply because we have had different life experiences.
DeleteYes, I definitely have to be more mindful of my words both at school and home. This can be so so difficult, but I must take my own advice and think before I speak!
DeleteOur belief system is the core of who we are. Our belief is our reality. This is so accurate. Most of our faculty at MMS had parents, churches, teachers, coaches and other people in our lives who encouraged us, loved us, motivated us, and supported us. We were told how smart, how talented--all the wonderful and positive words to lift us up. However, this is not true with a lot of our students today. Many of our students never hear words of affirmation or even I love you. We have all had experiences with students in our classroom that were beat down, had the negative belief system, and lacked the belief that they could succeed; with continuous positive words and encouragement, their whole perspective changed-academics and self worth. Our words are very important and often we forget-our positive words at school may be the only ones they ever hear!
ReplyDeleteIt appears to me that a whole lot more time, effort, and money need to be applied to the importance of well being during pre-pregnancy, prenatal, and preschool programs for the parents to be. The public needs to get this message via Church, media, video games, whatever will reach them. The conveying of this information does not need to be subtle, but made plain. If some of these incredibly immodest pharmaceutical commercials can bombard us with information and warnings about what will happen if you do use them, then surely information about care that could prevent years of hurt and needless struggle for your child is worthy of attention and cautions if you don’t.
ReplyDeleteMrs. Haney I was thinking the same thing! There certainly needs to be awareness brought to our country. If people realized how impactful their actions were even at the prenatal stage it might change the future of some of our Billys.
DeleteYES! I have two friends that are fostering children. I am amazed at the number of people involved in ensuring that the foster child is being cared for. The foster child and the foster parent(s) both have their own case workers. There are so many resources available, and required, such as counseling, education, etc. After learning about all that is involved, it left me wondering why we don't have all these resources going out to families before they reach the point of losing their children. Why are we doing more to prevent the child abuse, neglect, etc. in the first place? I know, like the starfish story, we couldn't proactively save all of them, but it would make a difference for some.
DeleteI agree - the book continues to stress in every chapter how the development of the child in the earliest years is VITAL to their success and well-being for the rest of their lives! There are ways to reach and maybe save some of the Billys later in adolescents; however, what if there were interventions BEFORE Kindergarten?
DeleteOne thing that stuck out in my mind was in chapter 2. The second question - we view the teacher-student relationship as "I am the teacher; you are the student. You will do as I say and you will learn what I teach." Yes, that will work with the Andy's in our building, but definitely not the Billy's. There are certainly days that I want to tell the Billy's that but the question that should pop in my head when "Billy" is doing something wrong is, "What can I do at this very moment to improve my relationship with this student?"
ReplyDeleteMy first instinct is usually to react to a situation, and I am learning I need to focus more on "responding instead of reacting." I found the chart regarding this on pages 78-79 to be very informative. There are several "traditional" reactions that I know I have thought and a few I have said like the threat of detention. To actually see a chart that gives me suggestions of what I should say or could say I feel is very beneficial. I need to learn some of these responses so that they become automatic for me as opposed to automatically reacting to a situation.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading chapter 5 about belief systems. I was fascinated reading about the different stages of development. Recently as Molly was sending out graduation invitations she wanted to send one to her pre-school, kindergarten, and 1st grade teachers. She told me that it was after those three years of school she knew she wanted to be a teacher. She told me it was the way those teachers taught, and their kindness toward their students that made her want to be the same thing. I was blown away- I thought how old was my child at that time... 4 to 6? But she was so influenced by those adults in her life she made her career goals at that time. So the quote in the book, "What is said to children at this vulnerable age (2-10) does matter, as do the experiences the child has with the adults in his life. It molds the very essence of who this child becomes and who he perceives himself to be in this world." has powerful application thinking about Molly and her future.
ReplyDeleteThe author stated that praise as encouragement for a child like Billy can have a sabotaging effect. I think we have all been in professional development classes that highly encourage the use of praise. I have definitely seen this backfire a time or two over the years. This is the first time I have heard of acknowledging the negative first.
ReplyDeleteI found it interesting that sometimes when we think we are doing the "right" thing for Billy and encouraging him and finding the things that he is doing right, it backfires. But really it is all about our approach and how we are saying it. I have been guilty of complimenting a student and then not understanding why they acted out after. Very eye opening.
ReplyDeleteIn the belief section of chapter 5, the author states that in 10 to 16 year olds "the brain becomes more sophisticated" and they "become aware that they are a separate and unique individual with the power to create their own beliefs". Teaching 8th grade, I see this all the time in Andys and Billys. They are all trying to figure out who they are and what they believe. While this brings empowerment and self-awareness, it can also be extremely difficult. Middle school is such a hard stage of life for every child. Add in the trauma for all the Billys and I can understand why their window of stress tolerance is so much shorter.
ReplyDeleteThe idea that stood out the most to me is that our belief is our reality. Students often have a hard time in our classes because they have difficulty managing social situations where they are required to let their personalities show. If they are unhappy with who they are, they will have a hard time believing they can accomplish the tasks we set for them.
ReplyDeleteChapters 5 and 6 really stress the importance in us believing in ourselves. “We are what we think we are” and “whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right” are inspiring quotes that help us believe in ourselves. Believing you can do it major part of doing it. We have to believe we can and project that belief onto others, especially our student.
ReplyDeleteOne thing that really caught my attention was that by the child is eight years old, he/she hears negative messages seven times more than positive messages over his/her lifetime. This shows important it is to talk to our students positively (even after 8 years old). The messages the children receive will become their beliefs. Its sad to think that children hear that many more negative messages in 8 years, and then we wonder why they think negatively of themselves sometimes; this would be one major factor in that belief.
ReplyDelete