Chapter 6 can be summed
up in the following statement: "It takes responding to Billy instead of
reacting to him." We have to remember that in some situations, it isn't
about our students needing to make better choices or intentionally breaking
rules or testing boundaries. This is a regulatory issue, not a behavioral
one.
Instead of asking
- How do I get Billy to change his behavior?
- Why won't Billy behave like the other students?
- Why can't he see that life would be much easier if he
just behaved?
- What punishment would have the most leverage to
motivate Billy to change?
We should ask
- What else is really going on here?
- What does this child need?
- How can I change my perspective?
- What keeps me only looking at the behavior?
- What is this behavior communicating right now?
- What in the environment could be triggering this
behavior?
I remember back in college one of my favorite professors told us when handling discipline issues it is better to ACT than React and I have tried my best to carry that out during my educational career. I have been called many times to classrooms where teachers are have a discipline problem I keep replaying ACT instead of REACT in my brain as I am walking to the classroom so when I get there I can handle the situation fairly and appropriately. Generally when I arrive I give the student some kind of instruction in a calm manner being calm helps show the student that I am there to help them instead there to fight them. This usually works most of the time. Once the student is removed and calmed down we are able to have a calm conversation then I am able to work with the student on hearing their voice. Once we can get that accomplished then we can find out the root of the problem and work together to find a solution.
ReplyDeleteCoach George.. I agree! I have seen you act instead of react on multiple occasions. And it is so hard not to react when they are disrespectful or deny what you say in front of the whole class. You want to teach the whole class that’s not ok to do but after reading the book i understand where that behavior is coming from.
DeleteSometimes, it is so hard to respond instead of react, however, I can't think of a single time that biting my tongue or slowing my irritation down had a negative outcome. Every single time I can take a breath and respond, I have gotten to the heart of the problem and most of the time have been able to deescalate the issue. Sometimes, for the students that explode, responding is calling for help and removing them from the situation. But reacting to them instead of responding always makes it worse in my experience.
DeleteAgree Coach George! As Amanda said, if I call for you or send to you---I had to remove myself from the situation, which is exactly what I need to do in order not to react and regret my words or actions. You do a very good job of coming in when teacher's patience have expired and acting on the situation.
DeleteOh yes! I have had multiple experience with student/s where asking the wrong question result in a tornado. I am very familiar with asking the right question. Most of the time I arrive when the child is in a full meltdown which makes more difficulty to handle. After the initial meltdown asking the right questions most of the time result in a conversation and solutions.
ReplyDeleteYou said it perfectly! I have learned a lot from you about the way to ask the right questions. Even in a full meltdown, staying calm and asked the right things even if the student is still responding in a negative way, can make or break the situation.
DeleteI enjoyed the examples of asking the right questions. This was very helpful to me since I am learning to respond and listen instead of reacting. This was a year that I could have responded differently in many cases. I hope this helps 7th grade teachers to think before they react and maybe they will have a more positive experiences.
ReplyDeleteIn my student questioning situation, a young lady acted out in the classroom and I sent her into the hallway. I asked her what was going on and she gave her reason. My response to her was, “This isn’t you, you’re better than this.” She was taken aback by that statement and asked me who I’d been talking to. I told her I hadn’t spoken to anyone about her, which was true. With tears in her eyes, she said her mother would tell her that all of the time. In full sob now, she said she’s not with her anymore and she hates where she is now. I told her that I’m so sorry about her situation and that there are somethings you can’t change, but do your best to change the things you can. After that conversation, our relationship improved and so did her classroom behavior.
ReplyDeleteI think I answered this question in my comment on the previous question. I must like this part of the book. All the question they give us in the book to ask when we are put in these situations are very helpful. It also helps us not to react so quickly to sudden outbursts. Empathy is a great tool to use in any situation whether it is with Billy or Andy. Love the statement in the book, empathy is when you give up judgement for understanding.
ReplyDeleteI highlighted the sentence about empathy and judgement in my book. I have never heard a definition of empathy put into that context before. I liked the way it was worded. I also like the tables that we are given. I feel like it makes the information easy to find for when we may be in situations like these.
Delete"The most effective moment in a student's day to teach him a new pattern is precisely in the most difficult moment of his day." It is because of this that I think it is so important to respond rather than react. If I react out of frustration during this moment I won't be effecting change in Billy's behavior or thoughts. I have to be honest, it is not always easy. Sometimes I hit a breaking point and all bets are off. I need to work on that.
ReplyDeleteSame - it can be exhausting to deal with Billy's "behavior" and I have definitely not always said the right thing and the right moment. Hopefully, I will now try to remind myself in those moments that the outburst is a regulatory issue not a behavioral one.
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ReplyDeleteAsking the right questions helps us find the root of the problem and figure out how to truly help a traumatic student. If we don’t ask the right questions, we as educators will just continue to have problems with “Billy’s” and never understand them better. Our first notion is just to make them stop as soon as possible which makes us ask the wrong questions. If we build a relationship with them, maybe we can figure out the reason why they are “exploding” or what is causing them to “explode “ and find the solution.
ReplyDeleteI have done both. I have asked the right questions and have been calm and patient and able to understand where the student is coming from. The end results have been good when I am able to do this and the student teacher relationship has grown stronger. I have also failed and asked the wrong questions and frustration and irritation builds on both sides which accomplishes nothing and puts a strain on that relationship.
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ReplyDeleteIt is very important to ask the "right" questions. I have seen things back fire when a child is asked or told the wrong thing. It comes down to knowing what is best for that child at that time.
ReplyDeleteMost of us have not been in the shoes of our children. As the book says, "it also takes allowing yourself to not take Billy's behavior personally or as disrespect to you as the authority figure." Remember to connect with your students. (build that relationship and trust)
I have asked the right and wrong questions on many occasions. I know in reflection I have thought on occasion about the questions I asked and sometimes find myself realizing that I should have taken a different approach with my questions and could have led to outcomes that are more desirable. We want was best for our students and I think we are constantly thinking of ways to better understand them by continuously looking to expand our knowledge about their situation by asking the right questions.
ReplyDeleteI think we have all asked the right and wrong questions as teachers. I think that sometimes it depends on the student and the questions. What might be a wrong question for one might be the right for another. By building a relationship with our students we will best know how to calm down a situation. I had a student last year who stayed wound up! He did not get along with a particular student in the class I had him. Most of the time I had questions or phrases that worked to calm him down and we were able to talk. If "Billy" feels like you understand him he will work hard to please you. If he feels like you (the teacher) understand him, he will feel safer in your class.
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