Trauma leaves a child feeling powerless and without a voice. Give
Billy a voice, whether you agree with what he is saying or not. he simply needs
to be heard. Once Billy feels heard and can express himself, he is more likely
to accept positive feedback and direction from an adult.
Denying Billy's voice and
expression is to throw fuel on the fire. Why? and/or When you allow Billy to
express how he is feeling and you validate that you heard him, why does this
start the healing process and building of a better belief system for Billy?
(share a personal experience if you can.)
Over my long and illustrious career I have dealt with many "Billys". Several years ago I dealt with a "Billy" that I had the pleasure of being around in two different school systems. In the first school system, I only dealt with Billy when they called me over the intercom to intervene and subdue. A padded room was built to handle him when he lost control. When I found out that Billy had moved with me to my new school system, excitement was not the first thing I felt. When Billy made it to 7th grade, I was extremely concerned about how he would respond to me and act in a normal classroom setting. I learned that by letting Billy respond and answer questions and not immediately shutting him down because he had interrupted or not raised his hand, he was able to fill like he was fitting in. Also I would listen and give him attention in the hallway when he wanted to share a story about something. Billy didn't go the entire year without several incidents, but the problems in my classroom were minimal because I think he enjoyed being in there and felt comfortable in the classroom.
ReplyDeleteI agree that you relationship with the student is key to starting the healing the process. When I taught in middle tennesssee, I had "Billy" in 5th grade. She was a highly intelligent student, but lacked social skills and had violent outburst. When she begin calling a student stupid (or worse), I had learned that she was becoming agitated. At first we took class time to go in the hallway to discuss what prompted the outburst and let her calm down. This was taking way too much time. I finally sat down with "Billy" and the principal and we asked her how she calmed down at home. She said she sits in her closet and rocks back and forth. So, when she became agitated, she would walk over to my desk and sit under and rock until she calmed down. The students couldn't see her, it kept her from screaming and throwing things, and I could continue teaching. We had to ask her what she needed, instead of deciding for her.
DeleteIt’s amazing what you can do with these students if they know you care. I feel like there were some students this year that changed their attitude in class once they “knew” I cared about them. Like Beth said, relationships are the key. In most of my college classes, you didn’t build the relationships like you do with your teachers in grade school. We may be the only positive relationship they get each and every day during the week. So, I guess the best thing to get from Paul’s example is “don’t judge a book by its cover.”
DeleteIt is important that our students know we want to make school a positive experience for them. If students know they have a voice and their voice matters that will help build meaningful relationships. These relationships can help us as educators better understand our students and their behavior. We can’t control what has happened to our student’s growing up but we can control how we respond and react to these students behaviors.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the statements above. The relationship part is vital for us as educators. It is not something that can be built in one day or one week it is a continuous process throughout the year and even more. The more knowledge we can gain through listening from our students on a daily basis will help as we continue to try and educate them and prepare them for society. As the old saying goes all people were given 2 ears and one mouth for a reason.
DeleteI agree with Bess on how important it is for students to have a positive experience at school and how important it is for them to know their voice and feelings are important. As educators we have to make it a priority to build those relationships so we can acknowledge what the child is feeling.
DeleteI agree with you all. A positive school experience is vitally important to both academic and social learning. I particularly liked what Bess said, "We can't control what has happened to our students growing up, but we can control how we respond and react to these students behaviors." As teachers, we have to evolve to deal with the influx of students like Billy. Sadly, we seem to have more and more each year.
DeleteI am in agreement with Bess and Coach George. Relationships are so important and with some students it does take longer than others, but once this is established they will feel a connection to the teacher and open up. Once they feel comfortable with us, we usually learn a lot about their home life and that does help us to react to their behaviors or just understand them.
ReplyDeleteI agree Mistee. I can think of certain Andys and Billys through the years that I still have a relationship with. One in particular that I didn't have in the classroom, but in basketball and softball. It took a lot of time and patience to break through her tough outer appearance, extra attention at practice, praise along with gentle correction and explanation, and providing for some of her daily needs. But in the end it was totally worth it. It is hard, and I don't think we are all called to reach every Billy like that- its not really possible- but we all have strengths, hobbies, and interests that can connect with some. Working together we can help each other.
DeleteAfter being in education for many years I have seen many students with issues I never knew existed. The numbers have increased drastically in the last 5 years which is requiring more and more training for those in the school systems. Most of us have come a long way in learning how to connect with these children and communicate with their parents. Even as a counselor it is a challenge for me but communication is the key. A lot of this book reminds me how to communicate and how to listen to make these children feel comfortable and open up. There are many times none of this works and that can be very frustrating to all of us in the schools. In the end I have to resort to the question," How can I change my perspective?" and that is not always easy for me. I do like all the answers to these challenging questions the author in the book gives us in Chapter 6. I will have to practice them and hopefully improve my communication skills with all the Billy students.
ReplyDeleteIn my classroom I have the students sitting in groups of three. This has usually worked well for me. I like for the students to be able to talk the problems out with one another and I can work with small groups as I circulate the classroom. However, this did not work with several of my 8th graders last year. I had too many Billys that could not effectively communicate with one another. Nevertheless, I was able to build rapport with one particular Billy. After several outbursts at the other students (and a few with me), she opened up to me that "it was hard to work with students that weren't like her or don't listen to her or that don't get her." We agreed that if she felt like she was getting angry in her group, she could remove herself to my back table and continue working on her math problems. Once I established this trust, she would just get up and walk to the table - no outbursts - and continue working. It was a game changer for me and her. I had her respect and she had mine. This would have never worked without first building the relationship!
ReplyDeleteI think when you deny "Billy" a voice, he can't express or talk about what is going on in his life. He could bottle everything up and explode. It is very important for us to let our students talk to us. When we allow our students to talk to us about what is going on or how they feel, we are building a good "relationship."
ReplyDeleteI think so, too, Jill. Sometimes we may be the only people who try to understand what is going on or how they feel. Every child should be able to have an adult like this in their lives.
DeleteA lot of these ideas apply to adults too! Building relationships and having an outlet is important. Break is a great time for us to be able to talk and build relationships with our students. Showing them that we are people to and experience stress just like them, can help them learn how to handle theirs. When an trustworthy adult is not available at home they should be able to find one at school.
DeleteWhen Billy is denied the ability to express himself, he is more than likely facing the same issue that he has been up against his whole life. No one has ever cared what Billy thought and he understands this and acts accordingly. When we allow Billy to voice his feelings, we are creating an avenue for us to better understand him. We are also letting Billy know that he matters and we are here for him. The old saying “Students don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care” is very true and if we care for Billy that will start the healing process.
ReplyDeleteI highlighted the part in my book that states that Billy needs a chance to explain his reasoning and thinking. If he is given this chance, it is an essential step for Billy to change his belief. It gave the the example Billy feels stupid, but if you let Billy explain why he feels this way, he will feel validated. Once he feels validated, he can rationalize more and being to change his belief system the more this happens.
ReplyDeleteDenying Billy or anyone the chance to explain their thought process or how they are feeling adds fuel to fire because it's frustrating to not be heard. It is even worse for Billy because he does not have support at home to deal with his emotions. Having someone hear you out even if you later realize you are in the wrong makes your feel important and like you matter. Billy needs a space to feel important and like he matters. Life at home is so stressful, school should be his escape for this feeling not making it worse. Once we begin to help Billy feel important, we can change what he believes, and then make gains in his academic deficits.
ReplyDelete